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i swallowed a forgetmeknot
last night, midnight.
thought i was in love
and i am feeling it again.
i'm at sacred grounds and i am
crazy ....everyone loves me.
i am gonna thank some people.
karen, dallas, suzanne, sara and mike,
krista, krista, krista,
brianna, tou, john and emily,
jaime and nicole, brian, ian and jen,
jen and a.j., brandy, holla,
ashley, jessica, the mauldin family,
ryen! ryen! ryen!
people who love me unconditionally.
isn't that what we are all looking for.
isn't that what it is all about.
kisses. bitches.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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hello.
i am sitting in a classroom as another person.
because, i needed someone to work for me.
my life is so fabulous and funny.
nothing much has happened.
brianna and i have been getting closer
at work. i dated someone and got hurt.
not a huge deal.
sigh, everything is okay.
i have just realized everything in my life
will be okay.
and, i am in love with krista.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 14th, 2005
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sigh, valentine's day.
i got out of work, because i had school.
so now, i get to stay home all day and cry.
wanna hear the saddest story ever.
damon called me.
at 1:30, and basically told me
all sorts of things.
you know, all the things i wanted to hear from him.
and i went romantically to gainesville.
and...nothing.
drawing this out
makes it harder.
i wish i was wiser about it all.
i honestly need some type of companionship.
not a boy, just a friend.
just anyone.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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FUNNY STORY:
There is a rumor going around about me at work....
and its awesome!!! :::sarcasm noted:::
supposedly i was seen accepting money in return
for sexual favors and apparently i do this every
time I go out to the bar.
i find a guy, and make him pay me, and then i have sex with them.
there is a girl spreading this rumor at work.
and apparently it has been in the air for quite a while,
a friend of mine, mike, says that he doesn't mind that
i have sex for money, he likes me anyway.
what the motherfuck?
so, what should i do.
i told my boss i was going to file harassment charges
against her, but what am i supposed to do.
should i just find another job????????
what do i say to people?
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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damon 576.
i have calculated that it must be your occupation
to call once a month and turn me into the weakest kind of woman.
+you seem to know when my days are tasty+
cleanse the pallet darling, a few quick words about
a leather boot in the trunk of my car, and i am
whimpering woman; vulnerable.
i keep my heart between my thighs, the space that kept you
most comfortable.
damon, your messages keep my poetry low,
the worst kind of poetry.
whining like a tea kettle for attention
and i hate tea.
for christmas i am asking for forgiveness
and not this box of regret i am constantly pushing under the bed.
perhaps you can see me constantly weaker than i was
supposed to be. and maybe you keep that fact
in your jacket pocket to remind yourself
that you had a hand in my misery.
caitlin
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 6th, 2004
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Friday, November 5th, 2004
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| Subject: | shit. |
| Time: | 1:23 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | bad song by dashboard confessional. |
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i was wearing out what you taught me to.
the pretense of what you never wanted
like the faded jeans in your closet.
i have found it best to forget you.
it has not worked yet.
with the halloween roses in my hair,
"what are you?" he says. "i'm cute".
and with the giggling brought intention.
does he know he is gaining my whining nature.
more wrong than right. tequilla is the buffer.
i am sexier asleep.
trust me, my bags are enough weight for now.
we slip into eachother like a laundry load of dissappointment:
a tide of desperation and promise.
but nothing dear is worth an extra toothbrush on the sink.
so i'm still forgetting you.
<3 Cait
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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lists.
i am trying to forget you.
i promise.
i thought it would happen sooner.
my heart.
my object unwillingness to educate.
susan. krista.
on the verge of tears every second.
my job.
romance.
whining.
i am going to have too much room on the bed.
the kitchen is a mess.
the sun also rises.
exsistentialism.
frustrated with fucking.
corey didn't call.
alcoholism, therapy, catholicism.
i hate coffee.
i hate drugs.
i am ruining: i can feel it.
restlessness.
i think i may like to hear myself talk.
i am vain.
i think i'm better than other people.
i'm jealous.
i am a liar.
i am consistently threatened.
i use the word "i" too much.
i want a baby.
smoking, sigh, i love smoking.
damon.
damon.
damon.
i have been resting on a boy.
that poster on his wall.
kerouac: bedside.
sex; i hate sex.
L O V E
and i know: so change.
imma gonna.
Caitlin
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, October 21st, 2004
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| Time: | 1:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  angry. | | Music: | ryan and kara. |
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sometimes, your life just seems to crumble around you.
damon and i are done.
my heart can't take the bullshit anymore.
"you have forgot my flaws: the needless whining, the drunk phone dialing"
i am only what you have made me.
someone who forgot to be sorry.
it isn't fair.
there are places that i can't reach without him
and none of those places do i wish to be.
thelma is pregnant.
i am kind of going to be an aunt.
i just wanted to say:
to the few of you who have been there for me...
who think of me fondly as the drunken cute
girl who drinks and lives her life according to her.
thanks.
i am starting anew.
fuck gainesville.
fuck damon.
fuck regret.
i'm moving on.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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there is distaste for boys like you.
you are taking her to thanksgiving this year.
and i will weep over making you the way you are.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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things are going well.
damon and i are still seeing
eachother and it is going on
about two months.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
caitlin can do it.
ben haber, i hope you had a good
valentine's day.
what sucks is that you were able to buy
your show in its entirety
and i have to wait for my show
and fork up 40 bucks a season.
why can't i just be in love with my
so-called life. sigh.
alas, Dawson's Creek....season two
....NO AIDS, NO BABIES, 2004!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
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Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
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if you really look at yourself,
if you look at my life...
i am fucking crazy.
i spent fifty dollars at the bar
last night. and that was my bill.
beer after beer, i sat there.
avoiding his calls because i don't know
what a fucking relaionship is supposed to be.
i am over having to get ready to hang out
with him. i am not good at being a tease
and this is because i am not a tease.
i am crying and being irratic.
i am bleeding profusely from the poonani.
and want to be killed perferably by
a firing squad.
anyway how is everyone else.
p.s. If your are on the following list, why are you not here visiting?
RYAN
KYLE
EMMA
SUSAN
JAKOB
JOSH
SARAH AND MIKE
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, January 10th, 2004
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i just found this,
sue must have left it on my computer.
Caitlin, we wore that summer like faded flower children.
It was the only color we knew.
the way, pale blue hangs off
a ciggarette collarbone.
The victrola stood silent-
amidst broken floor boards.
Now my dear,
someone else's crayoned body falls silent agianst them. and their
gentle expressions.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 9th, 2004
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a great night,
post sincerity cigarette.
right now, things are alright.
i'll just sleep now.
i don't wanna fuck things up.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 8th, 2004
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Can anyone tell me why in a individual lease agreement that my rent just jumped....$497.98?
Post Script: Would anyone like to lend me a hundred bucks?
Sigh, I hate my apartment, my boss is cutting my hours back because business isn't doing well. Shea is also scheduling three servers to a dead shift. He is pushing me to my breaking point.
Nervous Breakdown Begins.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
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dear driver,
the old man in the corner is sleeping:
shadowed and still.
his ashes sweeping the sidewalk as black furniture passes in the blossoms.
and sophia, the woman in orange that lives on top of the hill, is dancing on a sheepskin rug: the movements of a river,
the society of a stanza.
there is justice in the bundle of lightbulbs
about my wet ceiling.
but breakfast without your rice-n-beans is no way to leak my pining.
and i suppose that i may run with wild horses some day.
across the non-violent circuitries of adolescence.
the streets are, however, more open to a simple driver and a simple cap.
the perrenial lock on the door.
Love, Anna
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 29th, 2003
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sigh, i have been hearing more and more about susan and i moving to virginia....good idea.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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xiheartmycuntx's journal
bored.
determined.